Hardcore Fatal Four-Way

Batvato vs. Scurvy George vs. The Notorious A.I.G. vs. Gretel w/Hansel

Batvato

Little is known about the BatVato’s history before he assumed his title as the so called Latino Liberator. He hails from the self proclaimed region of “Latin,” an ominously ambiguous and non-geographical location. When asked about “Latin,” the BatVato said: It is on your skin when you cross the border; it is in your car when you listen to that Ricky Martin cd you secretly hide; and it is in your eyes when you jack off to internet pictures of Salma Hayek in Desperado.”
As far as the BatVato’s physical history, he used the geography of Central and South America as a training ground for his superhero-dom. He did stair steps on the step-pyramids in Mexico (not the tourist steps, the actual steps), swam laps through the panama canal, and at sunset, in the caves of El Salvador, the BatVato would wait at the entrance to the chasm, close his eyes, and listen as the flying rodents would make their mass exit from their home for their nightly hunts. Then, using his other senses, he would punch the bats out of mid-air to train his reflexes.

The BatVato has come to America because of America’s growing Latin American population. He is the self appointed defender of all those who live within the region of Latin, and therefore felt the need to establish himself with the expanding expatriate Diaspora in the U.S. He is “fluent” in English, has his legal working visa (citation needed), and runs a landscaping business on the side to fund his ascending vigilante career.   The BatVato is a firm upholder of justice and fights on the side of law enforcement. He is a devout patriot, and while he spends much of his time protecting immigrant families, he despises illegal immigration for hurting the system he has sworn to protect.  The BatVato would like to warn all those in Wrestlepocalypse who stand in the way of his Latin justice that “the BatVato is coming. And the BatVato is the Latin Boom.”

Weapons of choice: Leafblowers, Weedeaters and assorted non-lethal yard tools (rakes?), Trained bats, The custom made “Mano de Caliente”, A La Migra beacon, hidden in the heel of his shoe, Steel chair, Tequila bottle, Trachcan, Baseball bat
Move names:  The tumbler, The bat dive, Gooool!, Juevos Rancheros

Scurvy George

Scurvy George: pirate, pillager, arsonist, makes a living blowing the bejeezus out of new-age pirates, the old-fashioned way.  fuck guns and speedboats.  if you don’t have cannons and sails, you get off my damn ocean.  I consider myself the most extreme and daring of pirates, and of all men in general.  When a hammerhead shark once stole my bottle of rum, I harpooned him, ripped out his internal organs, fed them to his little shark-spawn, painted my face with his blood, and wore his skin as a ceremonial battle garb.  I support rebellion, mayhem, and the underdog.  And I do love me some rum.  I have me a wife an’ two kiddies.  What can I say?  Yarrr, I be a family man.  They be pirates in their daddy’s pirate crew.

Brigadoom is my golfing buddy.  As long as we play with human bones for clubs and violent cheating is encouraged.  I’d heard of wrestlepocalypse from Brigadoom, and that the prissy-little-bitch twins Hansel and Gretel, were claiming to be the most extreme hardcore fighters in the world.

Seems they need to be gettin’ out o’ the ginger-bread house a little more often, ’cause they obviously ain’t heard o’ Scurvy George, the most buccaneeringest, grog-guzzlingest, shark-murderingest, ship-burningest, human-heart-eatingest man on the face o’ the seven seas.  I can’t have me reputation have a black mark on it, now can I?  If I know one thing, I know Scurvy George ain’t second-rate to a couple o’ lily-livered, candy-suckin, land-lubbin’ blondies.

Signature Moves: Shiver Me Timbers, Swashbuckler, Crow’s Nest drop, Captain Morgan pin, Rumrunner
Signature Weapons:  witch-sticks, treasure chest, rum bottle, stepladder

The Notorious A.I.G.

Before I begin. I would like to thank the Northwestern student body for letting me screw them by taking the money for the Winter Speaker Event, therefore allowing me to go on a wonderful vacation!

I don’t know when I was born, or where I was born. All I know is that I was dropped off at the St. Anthony’s Orphanage when I was just a tiny baby by the crack whore of a mother that I was given. I was told by the mean fathers at the Orphanage that she tried to sell me for some crack. The only good thing she left me was that I absorbed the crack that she took while I was in the womb. Somehow, the effects of the crack have led me to cut my age in half and have cat like reflexes.

Growing up in the orphanage was horrible. The fathers would constantly beat me and at night the girls would come into my dorm, strip me naked and laugh at me all night. The boys didn’t like me either and would spend their days gambling my few possessions away. I learned how to wrestle in my orphan days. When I was 10 years old, the fathers took us to Thailand in a “Conversion Trip”. We thought we were going to be some type of missionaries, instead they made us wrestle to the death on the ships in international waters. I have NEVER lost a match, and I always kill my opponents.

When I turned 13 years old I decided it would all change. I asked to be on kitchen duty one night, and slipped a mild sedative into their meals. That night, while they were all in bed and unconscious, I went around the orphanage and boarded all the windows and doors – I set fire to the orphanage  and counted all the money I stole from them outside while I heard them scream in the night. However, I didn’t consider how fast the fire would travel. It was 1871 and I had to flee Chicago forever.

I spent over a century wandering the United States, until the 70′s when a man found me in the street and took me under his wing. He took me to his home, adopted me and sent me to the best schools. I ended up at Harvard Business school (which spits in the face of your lowly Kellogg) and learned everything about how to make off with people’s money. When my new father died, he placed me at the top of his company as the Senior Vice President of Kicking You Ass and told me to do whatever I had to do to never go poor and always kick ass. This past year I gave myself a wonderful bonus, which is allowing me to leisurely travel around the states, searching for fights trying to appease my thirst for blood. I heard of this Wrestlepocalypse III and decided to give it a shot, it might be a good business venture – well at least for me.

I hate BatVato because he is a bad sterotype of Latinos everywhere. He doesn’t work and is uneducated. I somewhat respected
George because he stole people’s money, but he hijacked one of AIG insured ships, so I have to kick his ass.  And Gretel, well let’s just say that when I’m through with her, she won’t be a little girl anymore.

Gretel w/Hansel

Gretel
Gretel Von McMann were born in Dinkelsbühl, Germany. At 5 years of age Gretel and her brother Hansel ventured into the woods and came across a candied house. Given their affinity for sweets, began to consume the house, only to be confronted by the evil witch who lived inside. Most people believe that after the witch tortured the children and they killed her and ran away with the remainder of her candy house. However, that is not how this story goes. After torturing the children, the witch revealed that she was in fact a wrestling trainer, and that after passing her torturous tests they were now fit to be her students. To train, Gretel and Hansel bench-pressed giant lollipops, bashed through gingerbread walls five feet thick and learned secret techniques about blinding her opponents with breadcrumbs. After their training was complete, they made their way throughout Germany defeating all the wrestlers who dared to cross their path. They defeated many of the German Greats, including Herr Heinensteinenhaupt and Die Krapfen. When Wernher Von McMann heard of Gretel and Hansel’s dominance in the German Wresting Circuit, he had a background check done and realized that they were his long lost grandchildren. He contacted them immediately and invited them to come and participate in the 2009 Wrestlpocalypse so they could reassert the German dominance in all things violent. He chose Gretel as the headlining wrestler to show that even little German girls can beat up on the big boys.

Hansel
Hansel Von McMann was born in Dinkelsbühl, Germany. At 5 years of age Hansel and his sister Gretel ventured into the woods and came across a candied house. Given their affinity for sweets, they began to consume the house, only to be confronted by the evil witch who lived inside. Most people believe that after the witch tortured the children, they killed her and ran away with the remainder of her candy house. However, that is not how this story goes. After torturing the children, the witch revealed that she was in fact a wrestling trainer, and that after passing her torturous tests they were now fit to be her students. To train, Hansel and Gretel bench-pressed giant lollipops, bashed through gingerbread walls five feet thick and learned secret techniques about blinding their opponents with breadcrumbs. After their training was complete, they made their way throughout Germany defeating all the wrestlers who dared to cross their path. They defeated many of the German greats, including Herr Heinensteinenhaupt and Die Krapfen. When Wernher Von McMann heard of Hansel and Gretel’s dominance in the German Wresting Circuit, he had a background check done and realized that they were his long lost grandchildren. He contacted them immediately and invited them to come and participate in the 2009 Wrestlpocalypse so they could reassert the German dominance in all things violent. Hansel was made the backup wrestler, as Wernher wanted to show that Gretel, as a girl, could still fight the big boys, but he is still ready to jump in and help if needed.