Opening Bout

C.J. Cage vs Jacques de la Coeur

C.J. Cage

Being God’s gift to the world, it is only fitting that C.J. Cage was born on December 25th, Christmas Day.  Being born on the same day as Sir Isaac Newton, Humphrey Bogart, and Jesus himself means that C.J. has some lofty competition for being considered the most important birth on that day, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.  He knows he is the greatest ever and he proves it every night just by living.  Newton discovered gravity yet C.J. defies it in the ring.  Bogart was considered the greatest movie star ever yet C.J. needs no such qualifiers for his greatness.  Even Jesus took three days to resurrect, when his time comes, C.J. plans to do it in 2.

But enough about his birth, let us move onto his childhood.  C.J. grew up living in the many Cage estates, splitting his childhood between the Hamptons, Vail Colorado, and summers in either Vienna or Milan.  Coming from such humble beginnings, C.J. felt he had a common bond with the masses.  He just had more strength, smarts, athleticism, and drive than them.  Because of this bond, he decided he needed to something to help the common folk as they are too dumb to help themselves.  He also knew that giving them money or helping a charitable foundation was as wasteful as giving change to a homeless man on the street.  Just like the beggars, the masses don’t know what’s best for them and would end up wasting the money on booze and whores.  No, C.J. knew exactly what the commoner needed, and that was a hero, someone they could live vicariously through to get away from their pointless existance.  C.J. decided the best way to show the world their hero was by having them see him in millions of theatres around the world.  He also knew that every dollar spent on him by the masses was a dollar less they could waste on trivial things that they thought they needed.  It didn’t take long before C.J. became one of the biggest movie stars of this or any generation.  Knowing he was destined for even greater feats, C.J. decided to throw his hat into the squared circle so that fans could witness him in all his glory live and in person.  With his superhuman looks and superior athleticism, C.J. was an instant main eventer.  Each week he dispenses with one more of the unwashed masses inside the ring, opponents who come in expecting to fight someone like them, and instead finding a wrestling god.

Jacques de la Coeur

Jacques de la Coeur was born in 1771 to a single French seamstress (Ella de la Couer). His mother taught him strong morals, sensitivity, and flawless needlepoint. In 1788 his mother became involved by a suave french gentlemen (Jean-Paul Sang) who had a strange affinity for tomato juice, which he always brought himself. In 1790, amid the French Revolution, Ella was impaled on her own knitting needle by a young American sympathizer: Christopher Jonathan Cage. Jean-Paul, who had taken a liking to the boy, finally revealed his the true nature behind his tomato obsession, and bit Jacques to ensure his immortal life (and chance for revenge). Jacques, after having beome a vampire, found his pacifist upbringing an obstacle, and resolved to only feed on animals (though he still cries the whole time he feeds). Encouraged by Jean-Paul, the two moved to the colonies to track down the Cage family. Unfortunately, Jean-Paul became involved with the wife of one Paul Revere, a silversmith, and thus the vampire allergy to silver was discovered. Jacques was able to track down the Cage lineage several times, but without a father figure, he hadn’t the will to go through with the kill, and more crying ensued. Now, Jacques has tracked CJ, the Great Great Great Grandson of Christopher, to the squared circle. He has diligently worked his way through the ranks (with a lot more crying between bouts) and is now geared to Finally take out cage at the greatest show of them all: Wrestlepocalypse.